Eulogy for my Grandmother, Marian Tanner (1923 – 2012)

Everyone knows that with any life……..a day such as this is always coming.  I can honestly say……that seeing this church filled with so many friends and family members of my grandmother…..this is exactly how I always pictured her day.  She loved this church so very much……… and she was a constant here for many, many years, so it is only fitting……that all these pews would be filled with those who loved her to say goodbye.  On behalf of our family, I thank you so very much for taking the time to show us your support……and to show her your love and respect.  How precious it is to be together in her honor.

My grandmother, Marian, was a remarkable woman……...  She gave her heart away …..only one time, to a man who she always said reminded her of Clark Gable.  When his life was cut too short, she continued to work hard and support herself and her family…… never finding another to replace him.  She was a nurse who wore her dress whites and a hat to work every day.  She was the grandmother that always sent a sweet card and a check for $10 for your birthday. She was southern…..she was a lady ……and she was graceful.  She was never overly affectionate…….but you always knew she loved you……..and she always told you she loved you when it was time to leave or at end of the conversation on the phone.  I was blessed to hear her say this to me for the last time on Easter Sunday.

I am overwhelmed by memories of my life with her and would like to share with you portions of a letter I wrote to her for her birthday last July…….so that she would know how precious her life had been to me.  It is the best form of reflection I have of our relationship and hope you don’t mind me sharing a bit with you today.  I can say that of my siblings and all my cousins…I am the big cry baby of the family….so please bear with me.

“Dearest Grandma,

I’m sorry if I have not been there enough for you.  I know this has been a difficult and frustrating couple of years for you.  You have always been so healthy, resilient and active and I know the lack of these over the last year or so has been difficult for you both physically and emotionally.  I’m so sorry you have felt so bad.  I wish I was there to hug you and to help you feel more comfortable and well every day.  What a blessing Linda has been to be there by your side as your companion and caretaker.  Our family cannot thank her enough.

          If I was there…… I would enjoy the precious commodity of time…….and reminisce with you about what a remarkable life I have had …….and what an incredible influence you have been in my life. I would be moved to tell you how very much I love you…. and how thankful I am to have you as my grandmother.  So…… instead of you lying in bed…….and me missing you 800 miles away, why don’t you relax…….and let’s pretend I am sitting next to you    and that we are laughing about wonderful old memories, sipping sweet tea and enjoying an afternoon conversation out under the big tree in the backyard.  And……… if we are going to pretend we are enjoying a beautiful southern afternoon………I want us each to be wearing a big brim hat…….with an oversized blooming flower on the side!

          I’d start by telling you how not so long ago, I was enjoying watching my little Danielle running through the sprinkler in the backyard as she carried her little umbrella.  Immediately, I was taken back to being a little girl myself doing the exact same thing in your yard with your peachy pink umbrella.  It was one of my favorite things to do at your house on a hot summer day.  I remember thinking your umbrella was the prettiest and daintiest umbrella I had ever seen…….and….. it was more special than any other umbrella in the whole world.  I loved playing with it.  After I dried off…….I’d eat either a juicy orange from your tree…..or get a vine ripe tomato from your garden, near the carport……and go climb the big tree to sit and eat it.  Another fond memory was Uncle Bill pushing us in your wheelbarrow around the entire block of broken sidewalks.  Although it was a marvelously fun ride for us kids – I’m sure it left him exhausted.

I remember how much I always looked forward to a walk to the lake with you at sunset……..and how I always thought you walked so quick and brisk……instead of strolling leisurely around the block.  I was both glad and sad to see them finally repairing the old broken sidewalk during my recent visit.  Glad, so that people wanting to use it, could now do so safely – but sad because it was as if they were completely re-creating a much beloved character of its own in Mt. Dora.  It was sad enough to know that they had paved over much of the “musicality” of the Orange Blossom Trail between yours and MawMaw’s old place….the sweet song that used to lull me to sleep at night driving back from a visit with you.

What I remember most about visiting Mt. Dora as a child…was that I always felt like the musical road led to a time warp…..and that when you turned off the main road to go towards Mt. Dora..you somehow traveled back in time.  It was always so special and so quaint.  I loved passing the school and always saying…. “there’s where Momma and Daddy got so smart” and passing the Methodist Church and saying ……“there’s where Momma and Daddy got married”.  We’d reach downtown and sometimes Daddy would take us to the old pharmacy where we used to get cherry or vanilla cokes …..and then we’d round the corner and see the lake and the old fashioned lamp posts…..and it just always seemed so special.

          I loved pulling up to your white house with the green shutters to see your car in the carport, knowing the tree was in the backyard beckoning us to come climb up high and play in the boughs just as soon as we finished saying hello and giving hugs to Grandma.  I loved always finding the “bouncy” branch that I could straddle and pretend I was riding a horse all through the countryside. 

         I loved walking with you down to the lake, especially at sunset or playing in the grassy field there with Uncle Bill, Aunt Linda and a frisbee.  The lake added to the magic of your neighborhood…..  But most of all…… I loved your house.  I loved the sights and sounds of your house and how things seemed to remain the same for many, many years.  There was comfort and normalcy in that.    I loved spending time in Linda and MaryAnn’s bedroom – left just like when they lived there, as was Daddy and Bill’s little room with the bunk beds and desk.

      I always looked forward to playing the piano (even though I never played well) and enjoyed even more when Linda was home to play so many favorites.  I remember thinking she was the best piano player in the whole world and I wanted to grow up to play like her – sad to know that never happened!!!        I loved looking at pictures of Daddy when he was a little boy, looking at Momma’s wedding portrait hanging in the dining room….and of course looking at the latest addition to your elephant collection.  And most of all, I remember the kitchen…I always loved the lazy susan shelves that spun round and round in the corner… the pull string over the sink to the overhead light….the cross hanging on the wall made of matches and the little black cat on the wall where you hung your keys.  I remember how I would wrinkle my nose at drinking your powdered milk……because it was so different to what I was accustomed…..but I loved it anyways.  I remember cooking in the little toaster oven.  And I remember your aprons.  I always thought your pretty aprons made cleaning seem glamorous and I wanted to help you wash dishes at every visit, wearing yellow gloves and an apron of course.  Funny how cleaning is fun as a kid…. at grandma’s……but not so much as a busy mother!  But most special of all….was the doorframe…. that holds three generations of our family ….and their timeline of growth.  I marvel at seeing all my years of change…..along with those of my siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles…..and now my own children and nephews.  There is something remarkable about documenting such change in everyone’s life.  It is always good to look back and see where you have been……to recognize where you are now…..and to know that you will be somewhere completely different the next time you get to leave your mark on the wall.  Yes….it was a magical place to grow up….. and it will always have a special place in my heart.

          But when I think of you…… it is not the house, the lake or the town that come to mind first.  It is not even the word “Grandma”, for when I think of you… I see the woman who bestowed upon me the greatest gift I could have ever been given….and that is the gift of faith.  The testament to what a life of knowing and loving the Lord Jesus Christ truly means.  I will never be able to thank you enough, for loving me enough, to be sure that my eternal place in heaven has been prepared for me….. due to your faithfulness and life of example.  I have a personal relationship with my Heavenly Father today…..because you instilled that importance in me long ago. 

          While I was growing up….my most favorite memories with you are those shared at your church.  I remember especially the summer I worked at Sea World and how special it was to go to church with you every Sunday that summer.  How wonderful it was to listen to the sermons of Reverend Coffield and to see Mrs. Coffield.  The way she always hugged and carried on, you would have thought she was my third grandmother!  There are so many old hymns, that when I hear them today…..I hear your voice singing them.  I remember looking at your face as you sang…..usually with your eyes closed……never having to look at the words on the page… for they were inscripted on your heart.   And as you sang….I could actually see the corners of your mouth curling up into a smile.  It was as if….I was witness to a very personal and intimate experience between you and God…..and to me it was so very precious.

          It is no secret that a life of faith is often tested and can frequently be full of trials and tribulations.  I have been witness to many of those put in your path during your lifetime….and your grace and steadfastness have served as an example for me.   They have provided me with such love and understanding… that even when I have felt hopeless….betrayed….and without understanding of the chaos in life that surrounds me……that I have always been able to acknowledge my every blessing also bestowed in times of heartache.  I have been able to know that I am not alone and that my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is with me at all times and that I am to put my trust and faith in Him.

My relationship with you…helped to establish my thoughts and personal evocation….to create my faith early on.  And though it has faltered….here and there throughout my lifetime…..I never strayed long enough for that relationship to go away.  God always called on my heartstrings to come home.  I promise you….that I will carry on…..where your prayers for our family are left off ….and I will know that my prayers will be strengthened…..when there is one more angel up in heaven to assist my prayers to reach His ears.  I know that once your earthly body wears out, that you will still be with me every day of my earthly life….and then with me in eternity after that.  I will know you……and feel you…..and love you….even after I can no longer talk to you face to face….or feel your touch.  I am so incredibly blessed by your presence in my life….and even more blessed for what is to come.

          You are the one person in my life who is a true example of what faith is.  I want you to know in the depths of your heart…that because you made a difference in my life…..that I will spend the remainder of my life……serving the Lord with all my heart…..and will continue to lift my family up in prayer.

          How blessed I am that He made me your granddaughter.  How extraordinary you are in my eyes.  How precious you are to my heart.  My cup runneth over and I will forever be grateful to you for all you have been in my life….. my darling Grandma.  I love you so very, very much …..and hope that my gift to you this day….will bring an understanding of how very precious you are to me and that what you have given to me will hopefully come full circle back to you and bring you more peace…..and happiness…..and love, than you have ever known before.  God Bless you Grandma with all my love……you will be so missed.